If you’ve worked in a software company, I am sure you might have come across many funny situations that remind you of Dilbert, the famous cartoon strip. I am just trying to present some of them (of course a bit exaggerated) within the frame of Indian IT companies.
Meaning: No billable work from the customer. Be prepared for documentation (Aaaargh!).
Manager: We have done a good job so far. We need to raise our bars and provide value added service to the customer.
Meaning: I am due for a promotion/appraisal.
Manager: Anyone can write a couple of lines of code and make it work; but how well we can adhere to the process and improve our productivity is something far more important.
Meaning: You are due for an appraisal (promotion is completely out of question).
Manager: Knowledge management and dissemination should top our agenda.
Meaning: Someone in the team has decided to leave the company.
Manager: (To someone outside the team) I think ‘my guys’ would be able to help you.
Meaning: You shouldn’t ask such technical questions to a Manager, that’s way too complicated for me.
Manager: Congratulations! You are nominated for the Employee of the year award!
Meaning: I came to know about the new [better] job offer you’ve got!
Team Lead: May be you can do a bit of research on this topic and give a presentation to the team.
Meaning: You’ve been asking too many questions and I don’t know the answer.
Team member (In a meeting): Do we have a team structure in place?
Meaning: Well, I think I am fit for the role of Team Leader..you know..if you insist..!(Imagine an accompanying evil grin)
Colleague: I am not interested to work in the US; I have lots of commitments here.
Meaning: To Hell with the embassy! They rejected my visa.
Team Member: I have written a new tool and it saves a lot of time for me, may be you all can give it a try.
Meaning: I want an onsite (overseas assignment).
Team mate: What yaar, stupid company, stupid management, stupid project. We aren’t getting much exposure and I don’t think anyone in his right mind would work here! It’s high time to change our jobs.
Meaning: If you leave the company, I will stay, my position will be safe.
Colleague: How long is your onsite assignment?
Meaning: How much is he going to earn..(Sigh!)
To the Manager: (In an appraisal meeting) Is there going to be a change in our team structure?
Meaning: I know I am not going to get any promotion, is there someone else getting one?
Team Mate: Please don’t forget to fill the timesheets, ok? (Chances are high that this question comes from your colleague one fine morning, leaving you in complete bewilderment.)
Meaning: I have already ‘assumed’ the role of ‘Lead’ you see..! I will be the one approving your timesheets in future.
Image Credit: Oliver PK Mao
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